The Chillerspot.

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When You Want Someone You Can’t Have

JULY 1, 2014

Charlotte Green
19.7k19
I’ve already planned out our first kiss, but you don’t know it. We’re at the back of a bar with some friends, the lights low and slightly red, and everyone is dancing. Something sexy and bass-heavy is playing, one of those electronica songs that starts to feel like an extension of your own heartbeat if you don’t pay attention to the lyrics. We’re laughing, we’re talking, just a little too close on the back booth, watching everyone dance as we debate getting another drink (we both know we’re going to get one). And suddenly, we’re kissing. It’s unclear who even kissed whom, it was just one of those times where two people start talking so closely that their lips just start touching, and the end of their sentence just sort of fades into a kiss. And at first it’s sort of proper — embarrassed, even, why are we doing this? — but then it turns into something much more reckless, much more urgent.


But this could never happen, because you don’t know me. I mean, of course, you know me — but I am no one important to you. I am the friend, the confidante, the girl you go to when you’re looking for someone to laugh with or grab a beer with, not someone you imagine pressed against you in a doorway, or talking about life naked at 3 AM when we should be sleeping. Our relationship, for you, is very simple. We both have our own lives, and we intersect occasionally, in a perfectly platonic way. When you go home at night, the evening is done. But for me, it’s just begun, because I’ll be staring at my ceiling in the dark, thinking about you over and over until I can finally fall asleep.

Wanting someone you can’t have is one of the most painful things you can experience, in an almost physical way. It’s this awful weight in your stomach that never quite goes away, pulling you down, preventing you from concentrating at work, constantly reminding you that there is something great and wonderful that is just an inch or so out of your reach. And when you can see this person in a platonic context — when you can laugh, talk, have a friendly lunch — it’s all the worse. It’s being so close to something you need, but only getting a shell of it, only getting the two-dimensional version that highlights everything you still don’t have. Learning not to say “I think about you all the time,” or “Please touch me” becomes an art form, something you do to fit in and get along, like wearing a sensible skirt to the office or a bathing suit to the beach.


Sometimes I think that I’ll say something, that I’ll have a bit to much to drink and the words will pour out of me like whiskey from the bottle. And while doing so would undoubtedly be a relief, there is nothing that terrifies me more. Because then, what would I do? What would I have left to think about at night? If I say something, I run the risk of hearing “No,” or worse, nothing at all. You could tell me (without really saying anything at all) that you don’t feel the same, that this was all in my head, that I was imagining everything. And living in limbo feels good, it feels safe. What would I do with a “no?” How could it sit still in my head? So I say nothing.

But I want you. I want you in a way that is hard to control, hard to keep a secret, hard to fit into my body. I feel like I am constantly bursting at the seams, struggling under the weight of a secret so great and powerful. I think about you, the way a hungry person thinks of food, the way a poor person thinks of money, the way a gasping fish thinks of getting back into the water. I think of you, all the time, and I don’t know how to stop.

When You Want Someone You Can’t Have | Thought Catalog

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Dear Future Boyfriend, I Am Going To Test You Every Step Of The Way, So Prepare Yourself | Thought Catalog

10668

thelovenotebook:

Good Vibes HERE

True story.

Reblogged 6 days ago from thelovenotebook
345
"I’ve lived & I’ve learned. All of my mistakes have made me who I am today. I’m not perfect & I won’t claim to be. I trust next to no one; almost everyone I have has let me down. I love my friends & they never fail to make me smile. My family means the world to me. I’m almost always happy & it takes a lot to make me cry. I don’t regret things because honestly, they were what I would have wanted at the time. I’ve changed a lot in the past couple of years because I’ve wanted too. I’m not going to change for anyone though, if I change, it’s for myself. Like it or leave it? I could care less."

Daily Tumblr Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)

True story. :)

Reblogged 6 days ago from thelovewhisperer

I hate not spending more of my time with you today. You make me love you more and more when you care about me but most importantly, thank you for making me so happy everyday — the kind of happy that makes me cry and thank God for giving me the guy that complements me. God, thank you. :)

5273

kushandwizdom:

Words of Emotion

This is deep.

Reblogged 1 week ago from kushandwizdom

12 Things Women Should Never Apologize For

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kushandwizdom:

1. Being Funny- Own your humor!
2. Not Wearing Makeup- Embrace your natural beauty. Let them see the real you, you beautiful girl!
3. Being passionate- Don’t be afraid to put your heart and soul into something, especially if you love it.
4. Working Hard- Hard work always pays off.
5 . Wanting…

Reblogged 1 week ago from kushandwizdom
3109

thelovenotebook:

Good Vibes HERE

Whoever made this is a genius!

Reblogged 1 week ago from thelovenotebook
591
"It makes me start to wonder what in my life was ever real. Rather, who in my life, was real. Because in the end words are nothing. It’s so easy to let certain things out of your mouth. It’s so easy to sweet-talk, it’s so easy to lie. So words mean nothing, it’s about actions. Actions speak louder than words ever could."

Daily Tumblr Love Quotes (via thelovewhisperer)

True. :)

Reblogged 1 week ago from thelovewhisperer
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